A few months ago, my roommate
started seeing a new guy. She was immediately infatuated, so unfortunately I
was the recipient of constant conversations about him. One of the things that
caught my attention was when she said, "He likes me because I'm not like
other girls." Being the mildly confrontational person that I am, I
immediately asked her, "What's wrong with other girls?" Apparently,
she believed herself to be better because she wasn't as high maintenance as
others, (examples being that she didn't shower everyday or worry about makeup).
She also described to me in detail that this boy liked
her better because she wasn't like all of his "crazy ex-girlfriends."
To me, that sounded like a red flag, but to her it was a compliment. I asked
her, "Why were all his girlfriends crazy?" She said they were crazy
because they were high maintenance and didn't laugh at his jokes (which I
learned were highly racist and sexist). She, unlike these apparently crazy
girls, was a "cool" girl.
This immediately struck a chord with me. I think most
girls at some point have had this experience of trying to be the "cool
girl." We all were willing to impress a guy by hanging out with his friends,
drinking beer, playing video games, and laughing at their jokes insulting
women. We called other girls things like bitch, needy, crazy, prude, etc. if it
meant separating ourselves from them. And this is a serious problem.
Why do we as women try to separate ourselves from other
women? It's internalized sexism. Women have been taught since a young age that
their worth is based solely on a man's perception and acceptance of her. We see
it in the media all the time; the heroine in a story is "not like other
girls" because she's quirky or a tomboy or thinks women are too emotional
and men make better friends. Many women in our society still struggle with the
need to be this girl. We try to distance ourselves from other women, even
throwing other women under the bus in order to win the affections of a man.
Therefore, feminism cannot solely focus on educating and
changing the opinions of men; it has to change the ideas of women as well. All
people have been shaped and affected by the gender stratification in our
society, whether seen in obvious acts of sexism or in more subtle ways, like
what my roommate was saying. Oppression of gender comes in many forms, and we
as women have helped contribute to our own oppression. In order to change this,
we will have to change society completely, which will be no easy task. I hope
we can begin making changes by teaching more women that they are the sole
proprietors of their own worth, and that women should support each other
instead of hurting each other.
As for my roommate, after a couple of months of sleeping
together, the boy stopped talking to her, except for a one word text ending the
relationship after she asked him what had happened. She was devastated. She
tried so hard to be the "cool girl"- she kept things casual even
though she wanted a relationship, she tried not to be needy, and yet she
probably just became another "crazy ex" in this boy's life. While I
don't know if I can convince her to be an feminist yet, I hope she will be able
to start recognizing her own self-worth.
Written by Kristen Anna
No comments:
Post a Comment