While conducting clinical
psychological work on a small private college campus this spring, the
Counseling Center hosted an event called, “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes.” This
event has become very popular on college campuses, and has been running for
over ten years. The purpose of the event is to raise awareness of sexual
assault, gender issues, and violence against women. During the event, men are
asked to put high-heeled shoes on and walk a mile to gain perspective. The
event was driven from the old adage that says that one cannot understand the
experience of another until he or she has spent time in that individual’s
shoes. This event has been hosted several years in a row at this college, and
had been discussed by the Counseling Center’s staff all year. I was looking
forward to being involved in this event because of my own interest in the topic
clinically and professionally, but also because I have personal investment in
it. As the Center for Disease Control reports, 20% of all women will report
experiencing some kind of sexual assault in their lifetimes (2012). I happen to
be one of the 20%.
Just like with any event,
disagreement and differing views are prominent. I have heard arguments about
the use of high heels- is it promoting the idea that sexual violence only
occurs to those who fit conventional and traditional beauty ideals? Is it
promoting victim blaming by pairing the idea of sexual violence to an
accessory? And many other issues commented on: How can walking a mile in some
high heels- something some women do daily- be promoting sexual assault
awareness or giving a participant a taste of what it is like to encounter
sexual assault? How are the two even remotely similar? I have heard all of
these statements before, and I agree with some! Regardless of my opinions and
feelings, I was incredibly excited to participate in an event that’s sole
purpose is to bring about education and awareness – two necessities in changing
systems of oppression. No event can be perfect, or really, truly, communicate
what sexual assault is like to those who have not experienced it – especially
because experiences can be so vastly different.
The event itself did not go
as I expected. I expected many many participants- I’m not really sure why. Isn’t
promoting sexual assault awareness all anyone cares about and wants to do?
Apparently not. Convincing people to participate was much more difficult than I
anticipated. Typical responses to not participate were that they had class, a
meeting, needed to go eat lunch, needed to check their mail, had homework, etc.
. . . Of course all of these responses are realities of college student life,
but because of my training and background, I thought it was important to think
more deeply about what simply walking by and not participating meant to
themselves personally, and also what it was communicating to the community. From
my perception, this did not go over so well, which may not be surprising. Most
people became defensive and seemingly felt guilty. To me, these reactions are
more positive than the few who seemingly showed no remorse for not
participating or care for the subject matter. Guilt communicates that some
level of emotions are involved.
I was very aware of all of
these reactions in the moment. What I was not consciously aware of, however,
was my own personal feelings and reactions. I was so caught up in the meaning
making of the reactions of potential participants that I was not tuned in to
myself. I didn’t realize that my thoughts about others and myself had begun to
change in an unhealthy way, and that I had began making the entire experience
more personal than necessary, pulling me down. I did not take a break, though
it was offered to me several times by my supervisors, but continued to work the
whole event. I chose not to care for myself, which made the whole experience
much more emotionally draining than necessary.
What I think is so important
about this experience is not about the lack of participation in the event, or
even about my disappointment in the outcome. My point is it so incredibly
important to take care of one’s self, especially in situations like this. I
have been told this time and time again. Self-care is crucial when in the
helping profession. But until this day, I had never experienced why self-care
is discussed so frequently, and why it is sometimes pushed onto individuals
still in training. I am also very glad that I had this experience while still
in training so that I could have the opportunity to process it with my
supervisor. Of course there is meaning behind one’s decision to participate in
any outreach event, but there is also meaning behind my actions too. Perhaps I
should have tuned into this meaning as much as I was tuned into the meanings of
other’s decisions, and I may have taken better care of myself psychologically.
I believe I still would have been struck and disappointed in the event as a
whole on multiple levels, but the experience may have been less tumultuous, and
I may have been able to maintain a more rational mindset.
Additionally, I believe that
it is important to keep in mind how decisions such as to participate in an
event or not may impact others. I was heavily impacted by the overarching
ambivalence of the student body, I believe mostly because of my personal investment
and experience with sexual violence. The impact this decision to not
participate did not seem to even cross the minds of potential participants.
While working the event, I remember wondering if their response would have been
different if they knew they were talking to one of the 20%. At the same time, I
am sure my disappointment and frustration was coming across to potential
participants as I talked to them too, and I was also not thinking about the
impact my words may have had on them. Perhaps sexual violence was personal for
them as well, and they were still too emotionally raw to publically participate
in an event such as this. All of this is to say that I hope I - we can be more
gentle with each other, and give each other the benefit of the doubt, and also
compassionately encourage each other to think about how our behaviors and words
can impact the other.
Walk a Mile in Her Shoes is a
heavily debated event, which is not surprising given its nature and what it is
advocating for. However, no event is perfect, and there is no perfect way to
advocate for any systemic issues. I do think it is important for all people to
consider their choices, what they advocate for, participate in, and what
meanings may be behind these decisions, even while in the process of advocating
for a cause close to the heart. When these meanings are considered, one may
have the opportunity to richly learn about herself, in turn, garnering a deeper
understanding of how to care for one’s self and others in the future.
If you’d like more
information about the organization and events, their website can be accessed
here: http://www.walkamileinhershoes.org/
Written by: Becca Fonville,
M.A.
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