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To what extent
do women’s looks interconnect with their self-esteem and self-worth? What do women
gain and what do they lose from appearances being part of their identity? What
change do we want to induce in the way we shape our identity and the identity
of our daughters? And how is it even possible?
The appearance and body image of women not only significantly influence their
self-esteem but are part of their identity formation, which starts in early
childhood and lasts throughout their lives. It is a lens through which women
experience the world and by which they define themselves. Identity is
multilayered and how a woman looks is only a single element of it, but it takes
up much more space than it should. We need to rethink the relationship between
women’s looks and their self-identity.
On one end of the spectrum, there is an objectifying look, by which women
are defined solely or prominently by their bodies. This look is different from an
internal look, which carries out one’s subjective desires, actively searches
for meaning, and is directed from the inside outwards. The latter helps us to
define and fulfill our goals in life and enables us to thrive intellectually
and professionally. Interestingly enough, under certain circumstances, women
can and should enjoy being objectified. For example, when they are being praised
by their partners for wearing a new dress, a nice set of earrings or sexy
lipstick. They can most certainly benefit from objectifying their partners too.
This is part of a playful, joyful, healthy relationship. Yet, the self objectifying
look comes with a high price. From a personal perspective, it connects how we
look with our self-worth and self-esteem. Many women are familiar with how
bearing a demeaning internalized perspective on their bodies can be extremely vicious
and derogatory. For example, when a woman feels a tremendous sense of shame when
entering the water in her swimsuit while hanging out at the beach or by the
pool. From a societal perspective, this perspective perpetuates discrimination
and injustice against women, creating gender driven segregation in the
workplace, reinforcing sexual harassment and sexual assault, dehumanizing women
and diminishing their rights for equality and dignity.
What should we do? Can we disconnect completely from how we look? Merav
Michaeli, an Israeli Parliament member and a groundbreaking feminist, wears only
black clothes. She has chosen to put on a neutral stance with regards to her
appearance so that both she and the public would concentrate solely on what she
does and how she acts, rather on how she looks. Do all women need to do so as
part of a struggle against the objectification of women and the internalization
of it? Is this step required for redefining the relationship between women and
their looks? Would it help to reshape the beauty ideal?
It may be a question of choice, but can women willingly transition between the
dual positioning of oneself as an object or as a subject, depending on the context?
Unfortunately, as much as the objectifying look is easy to put on, the internal
look is much harder to embrace. Well, there might be an intra-psychic exercise
that could support the embracement of the internal look that connects with
one’s inner desires and aspirations. Let’s take as an example two powerful
women we have observed for the past few years and who have begun shaping our minds through the media, namely Amy Schumer and Lena Dunham. These are women we
can identify with, can look up to and who inspire us. They are feminists,
successful, talented, astute, hilarious, and blunt. Also, their presence is important
as they ostensibly deviate, to various extents, from the unbending model of
beauty reinforced by the western, capitalist culture that is imprinted through the
media. What I would like to suggest is first to recognize the importance of
having these two fabulous ladies in our lives, as well as other women who do
not necessarily adhere to the engrained model of beauty but nevertheless serve
as an inspiration, regardless of their looks. Second, think of how each of the
women I mentioned, in her subversive, revolutionary, unique way, changed the
current discourse relating to women’s appearance. Among other things, Lena
Dunham is doing so by proudly displaying her body although the ostensible
deviation from the Hollywood prototype; Amy Schumer is doing so by surfacing
contemporary issues women face in relation to appearance as part of her comedy
and satire, including a remarkable sketch where she mocks Hollywood ageism and
sexism toward women; as mentioned, Merav Michaeli is doing so by purposefully
neutralizing her looks. Now, if women feel that an objectifying look is being
imposed on them, and that this look is jarring and toxic; if they have
difficulties disconnecting from a demeaning self-objectifying look that inhibits
their passions, they can use these women not only as role models, but also as
objects to identify with for an internalization of a more respectful,
empowering look on themselves; a look that embraces higher self-esteem,
self-cohesiveness and self-fulfillment.
Women’s value is filtered through how society views their bodies. Sadly, to
a large extent, our self-esteem is filtered through this as well. We do not
want to be measured by how we look, not by society nor ourselves. We can choose
to be objectified, meaning to be an object rather than a subject, if it makes
us feel good; but we should be able to make this choice ourselves. This is
especially true in a reality where women who have an ambivalent relationship
with their bodies is an epidemic; where in addition to loving and nurturing
feelings toward their bodies, women hold feelings such as hate, fear, anger and
contempt too. This is one high price paid by women of the thin ideal, driven by
patriarchy and capitalism. As long as society judge and evaluate women by how
they look, they should make a conscious effort to do the exact opposite. In
order for this to happen, women should embrace an internal look that stems from
their inner selves and which disregards external appearances, either completely
or upon their choice. Nevertheless, when the demeaning external look is
inflicted on us, let’s think of Amy, Lena, Merav and all other women in our
lives who inspire us, not only because they are marvelous, but also because
they set themselves free of this potentially harmful look.
Empowering, beautifully written and all so true...❤️
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