The
other day I was out shopping for a birthday card for a friend of mine, and was
saddened to find that there were only five classes of cards available for women
over the age of 18: (1) sweet and sentimental, (2) cards with half naked men on
them, (3) cards with fart jokes, (4) cards with cute animals on them, and by
far the biggest category was (5) cards telling the birthday women that she is
becoming uglier as she ages. I am
particularly sensitive to number five as it has become increasingly obvious as
I near my 30th birthday that I have only sagging breasts, wrinkles,
and invisibility to look forward to in my coming years. And lest I forget, the greeting card
companies will be there to remind me each year.
Equating the aging process with decreased beauty has
become so programmed into U.S. society, particularly in the media: if you read
a fashion columnist write about a beautiful celebrity over the age of forty the
woman’s very existence in a fashion blog has to be qualified. For instance, a recent picture of Demi Moore
complimenting her appearance in Yahoo’s 2 Hot 2 Handle photo gallery contained
the following quote, “Can you believe Demi Moore is 50?! Neither can we.” Or another recent picture of Marg
Helgenberger that said, “Former ‘CSI’ and ‘China Beach’ star Marg Helgenberger
is flawless for 54.” Women in their
forties are subjected to the same scrutiny.
A recent photo of Jennifer Aniston in a bikini carried the caption, “the
woman is in her mid-40s and looks just as fabulous as she did a decade
ago.” You won’t read the ages of younger
actresses that make it into this photo gallery series as the creators only
think it is relevant to mention age when the beautiful woman is of a certain
age. Additionally, the probability you
will find women over the age of 50 in the 2 Hot 2 Handle gallery is low as it
is typically inundated with the smiling faces of younger stars in their 20s and
30s. Apparently we are to be amazed when
a woman is deemed beautiful after the age of 50. Can you believe she’s 50 and is still
beautiful?! Or my personal favorite, “She
puts women half her age to shame.”
Again, we are to marvel at the fact that a woman can possibly be more
beautiful than a woman younger than herself as youth is always the most
beautiful and the most valued. Messages to Women Don’t Apply to Men
I have noticed this
trend is creating a generation of women who are being told that the worst thing
they can do is look old. Take the blogs
written about Lindsey Lohan, for example.
Countless bloggers have written about her alleged drug and alcohol
abuse; however, it seems to me that by far her worst crime was to dare to look
older than her 26 years. I recently came
across a Pintrest post.
Nevermind the fact that three older men are being shown to grow more handsome with age, as only men can do, but the only woman pictured, Ms. Lohan, is supposed to be perceived as becoming older, and thus more ugly, as the result of alleged lifestyle choices. If she was in her 50s we would not be seeing this post because her ‘ugliness’ would then be expected. As a young woman, Ms. Lohan, and young women across the country, have to learn that constant surveillance and prevention is needed to prevent such aged ‘horror’ from happening.
Nevermind the fact that three older men are being shown to grow more handsome with age, as only men can do, but the only woman pictured, Ms. Lohan, is supposed to be perceived as becoming older, and thus more ugly, as the result of alleged lifestyle choices. If she was in her 50s we would not be seeing this post because her ‘ugliness’ would then be expected. As a young woman, Ms. Lohan, and young women across the country, have to learn that constant surveillance and prevention is needed to prevent such aged ‘horror’ from happening.
Hiding Signs of Aging
I
can vividly remember my 8th grade health teacher telling all of the
girls in my class about the importance of moisturizers and sun block to prevent
wrinkles. She stressed that we needed to
begin incorporating this into our daily routine so we would not look old as we
aged. With her beautifully smooth
porcelain skin, I held onto her every word and began moisturizing shortly
afterwards. I have done so every day
since in my personal war against the ugliness of age. It was not until very recently that I have
begun to question my participation in this process. It began as a result of small comments from
others around me. My 17 year old niece
telling me that we could be mistaken for sisters if I was wearing large
sunglasses (presumably to hide the smile lines under my eyes). My hairdresser discouraging me from a short
hair cut because I would look like a soccer mom, when I am apparently too young
to look that “old.” As I agreed with my
hairdresser and went with a longer haircut, I immediately felt the burden of
letting not only myself down but my gender as well. I had allowed the fear of looking older
dictate my decision, and fear that if I am letting this fear rule my life at
the age of 29, what will I do when I am older?
As a graduate student
studying ageism in older women, I began to realize that discrimination towards
women based on their age begins in our 20s.
This form of ageism is unique to women, as women are uniquely judged and
criticized for their appearance, as it relates to their age. We must deserve such punishment since we lack
men’s ability to grow more handsome and distinguished as we age.
Challenging and Embracing the Aging Process
Unfortunately,
beauty and youth are intricately connected to both each other and to value in
our society. The more beautiful you are
as a woman, the more visible and valuable you are. The younger you are as a woman, the more
beautiful and valuable you can be. The
risks associated with daring to look old as a woman can be immeasurable. Just look at the discussions regarding
Hillary Clinton’s “aging” appearance.
There was a huge media to-do over her decision to speak in Asia last May
wearing little makeup, glasses, and without perfectly coiffed hair. In fact, Dr. 90210 made the following
statement, “It’s bad enough that our Secretary of State continues to avoid the
necessary cosmetic procedures that are easily available to all citizens, young
and old, rich and poor, of this great nation. She goes about in public
with her natural breasts, her wrinkles, and her facial sagging. But this,
this is unconscionable. She could be setting an example for young women
everywhere. Instead, she stoops to embracing her, and I get hives even
saying this, natural state. After a woman reaches a certain age, plastic
surgery should be mandatory, and no older woman should be seen in public
without hair and make-up done. This is exactly why we are slipping in world
esteem.”
Well
I, for one, certainly applaud Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s
decision to embrace her “natural state” and hope that I have the unconscionable
attitude to follow in her footsteps as I age and dare to go in public with my
natural breasts, wrinkles, and facial sagging.
written by Ruth Walker
Is this focus on youth more pronounced for White women? It seems other ethnicities age "better" than Whites, so may be this age-ist concern is partly an issue with White privilege? Young White women are considered attractive, but "lose" that attractiveness as they age, but many women of color, even young ones, aren't considered "typically" attractive to begin with (read: White).
ReplyDeleteI think that's an excellent point! That is actually one of the questions I am looking into in my thesis. I suspect privilege does play a role in the concern about changing appearance with age.
ReplyDeleteMen have been objectifying women for centuries. I think that this is more of the same. A women dare not leave her home without her face done and hair colored so that men can look at what she has to offer physically. Women are seen as objects and not really contributing to life. This is portrayed in art, media, and politics. Women need to stay young and attractive or risk being traded in for a younger, more improved model. Life experience and character aren't valuable; especially if you aren't seen as 'attractive'.
ReplyDeleteIn our society, the mythical norm includes exactly what you are referring to; a young female. Our society places value on younger females over older females, staying that being young means you are more 'attractive'. Women take many measures to make themselves look as young as possible, as to not be looked down upon from society. Yet men, who grow nothing but more handsome as they age, are indeed put upon a pedestal for their attractiveness. When does society cut women a break? If we continue to feed upon this need to be young and attractive for others, it becomes a full fledged circle that never changes.
ReplyDeleteI agree that aging is considered a bad thing when it comes to women in todays society. To consider a man more attractive due to his aging is a comment I hear a lot and sometimes agree with. However, I never realized that no one ever comments on how a woman has improved with age. Ever since I was younger I can also remember tales of wrinkles and skin care because getting old was considered bad for women. This is just another privilege that men have and no one real sees it. A man can get away with aging normally and letting nature take its course but women are expected to go through painful procedures to take maybe 2 years off of their expected age. Social norms are a big reason as to why celebrities and politicians are judged so closely, especially the females. The comment from Dr. 90210 disgusted me and considering that this is a well educated adult man just makes me wonder how he could not have seen the hypocritical and judgemental innuendos and words that were in his statement. He is an man in his 50's and yet he does not mention the need for other men his age to get plastic surgery. This just shows another reason why some people do not see the error in these social norms. When popular people in the media are scrutinized then the viewers at home also percieve the celebrity to look ugly because they're an aging woman.
ReplyDeleteI think that Hillary's choice to stay "natural" in appearance was an excellent decision. The exact same choice was made by Germany's Chancellor, Dr.Angela Merkel. Her reasoning was that she had a doctorate in physics, she didn't need to be pretty. Many respected her for valuing her intellect over her appearance. The same respect should be given to Mrs.Clinton, and for every person who forgoes the norms of appearance for the valuation of intelligence.
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing to see how the mythical norm influences all areas of life. Aging is a natural thing that no one can stop. I applaud Hillary Clinton staying in natural form for the speech in Asia. People in today's society are so concerned about how to look and what is going to make you stay in with the "mythical norm." The blog showed an interesting point of how men are being applaud and recognized no matter what their age is compared to a women. It is great that Jennifer Aniston and Demi Moore look great at their age, but why make a huge fuse of their age? Why can't they just say they are looking great? It is sad to see how people believe staying young is the only way to be accepted in society. It just shows how men have the ability to do what they want and women have the expectation to look "good." This concept and expectation will be here as long as people are promoting their views on how society should be.
ReplyDeleteThis is not very surprising to hear how women are expected to look in society. This reading correlates directly tp what I am covering in my women's studies class today. Because we live in a patriarchy, mythical norms are created by the males, which in turn oppress women. The Lohan example is perfect of this, even though she did terrible drugs people commented more on how, she looked older than she should, more than anything. Along with that the men in picture were praised for getting better looking with age. This perfectly shows how we live in a patriarchy. However, a pinterest picture is not a good example to use. People use the internet to make extreme claims to be funny, because they can do so as an anonymous user. Overall women who want to fit in with the cultural norms have to change their bodies so much and most the time they do not even realize it.
ReplyDeleteWe live in a society saturated with sources that capitalize on our looks. The media, especially gossips magazines and websites like Yahoo omg!, exist only because "we" can't wait to see what they have to say about celebrities - how they look, what they wear, their latest haircut, and yes, how they are aging. Hairstylists are trained to give their clients a style that suits their face to make them look their best...and is "age-appropriate." Plastic surgeons create a market for themselves by pointing out the flaws of others and offering a "solution." And with technology as readily available as it is today, any layperson with too much time on their hands can create a "meme" mocking the appearance of another and post it on the internet - no credentials required. All of these things exacerbate the underlying insecurities that women have regarding their appearance. Why do those underlying insecurities and the accompanying ageism against women exist in the first place?
ReplyDeleteI'd love to blame society and the media, men seem like an easy target here too, but ageism against aging women and the double standard which prevents men from being measured the same way, on its most basic level MAY have a biological source. "Attractiveness" has been linked to the ability to reproduce since the beginning of time. Women are only fertile for a period of time in their life, while men are biologically capable of making their contribution to reproduction decades longer. On a most basic level, as women get closer and closer to the age where they will no longer be a viable partner for reproduction, they become less and less attractive to the opposite sex. Is it fair? Not necessarily. Does it make sense? On a primal level, it does.
This doesn't mean that women should succumb to the pressure to wear makeup, have plastic surgery, avoid hairstyles that may age them, and never leave the house without looking perfectly put together if they don't want to. Or that men have a right to trade their post-menopausal wife in far a "newer model" because their biological urges made them do it - there is such a thing as self-control. I do believe in aging gracefully and that there is an astonishing beauty that comes with maturity. (As pointed out in the Lindsay Lohan example though, cocaine is bad, obviously. Don't avoid it because it will make you look older. Avoid it because it will kill you.)
p.s. regarding Dr. 90210s comments, they were extreme, out of line, and uncalled for. I think that most people, whether they think she needed a little eyeliner or not, would agree.
This whole concept is an extremely interesting and eye opening subject. To me, I never really thought that women got uglier as they aged, but personally I would compare them to other people in their age range. As I have gotten older and began to talk to and work with people older than me, I realize how crucial looking young really is to women. Even my mom gets a little touchy when she talks about her age.
ReplyDeleteAs you have clearly stated, its impossible to get away from anti ageing products and the comments and criticisms that women receive on a daily basis based upon "how they looks for their age". As the book states, "ageing is much more detrimental for a women because there is a much stronger mandate for women to keep their body looking youthful than men"(215). They used an example of a man having a beer belly versus a woman having unwanted tummy flab. This is a great example, because though we see both daily, women are much more self conscience of their appearance than a man is. The "mythical norm" has been drilled into their heads and even though women don't want to be consumed by this, we are, whether we think we are or not. I think that the majority of women are worried about how they are perceived by the outside world and i think that the ones who try to portray a "I don't care what people think" attitude, still want people to notice them, but they are just attracting more negative attention because they know that they are not invisible and are still, unfortunately, being judged.
The book also says that "competition and anxiety continue as we age but we still compare ourselves to youthful beauty"(213). We have to understand that women in their 50's cannot be compared to teenagers and barely legal 21 year old. They are in a different stage of their emotional and biological life. Their bodies and their minds are at a different place than someone younger, or older for that matter. Unfortunately, not enough women know that they should try to keep healthy by exercising and eating healthy, but for health benefits and to let your body flourish naturally, if you eat what you should, I truly think that you will have so many less health problems and much better skin, hair and nails ( but I'm a Dietetics and Nutrition major so I'm all for that anyways!). You can only compare yourself to yourself and instead of setting false and unrealistic goals, you can set real, daily goals for yourself, and reach your end results instead of thinking you are going to go from 200 pounds to 110 in 3 months. Women need to take time to take care of themselves and enjoy life. We need to stop thinking about it as ageing, and thinking about it as living life! Those aren't frown wrinkles, they're smile traces, and those aren't worry wrinkles and spots engraved on your ugly face, they're times of being strong and loving for those around you and your beautiful self!
I am a 43 yr old black woman who never believed in the media or society's "mythical norm" of what women are to look like. We were all made different for a reason that we will never know. What is wrong with aging normally? Who says grey is not attractive on a woman? Why must we submit ourselves to what the world says is appropriate? I am comfortable in myself so how others see me is no concern to me. I am me!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's sad that women of the older age have to do so much to be defined as "good looking" by the media and by men. Even younger girls are judged upon the way that they look for their age. It's as if appearance is the only thing that matters to some of these people in the world. If the women wants to fit in with the cultural norm then they have to go to extremes to change the way that they look and it is just sad. Dr. 90210 should be ashamed that he said plastic surgery should be mandatory when a women hits a certain age. He doesn't appreciate natural beauty and doesn't look at women past their looks. I feel like so if so many people did not judge women on just their looks there would not be so much hate in the world. All over the media we always see women getting talked about in a bad way because of the way that they look. I definitely agree with you when you said you applaud former Secretary of State Hilary Clinton's decision for embracing her natural state because I believe more women should do this to prove that beauty is not everything that matters. The media portrays the women to harshly when they don't look the way that "they should". I don't see how an aging men doesn't get talked about if he has wrinkles yet it's a huge deal if an aging women does. Judging women just on the way that they look is extremely wrong and the media needs to not have so much control on saying how a women should look at a certain age.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe the dr on 90210 said that! In my opinion I respect her for not giving into the pressures of the media and getting plastic surgery. I believe that a women should be able to age naturally just like a man without being critiqued for looking "old" or anything. Everybody ages and gets old so I believe that whatever age a women is should be enjoyable not discouraging. Also I do seem to notice how women that are young or look young are treated better. They get the benefit of the doubt if they do something wrong. This happens to me a lot at work bevause people mistaken me for being younger then 23 a lot so I'm always referred to as sweetie or honey where as my manger is older looking and people tend to not give her any breaks when she makes mistakes. The way our society thinks about women and age is just so wrong. Hopefully one day we will all be able to not critiqued women so much based on appearance and age
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this, i thought about things that would have never come across my mind. I never put two and two together about birthday cards; that the ones for women, most of them, are about becoming uglier because they are one year older. There is a more selection with old women on the cards joking about the effects of aging, than there are of just a plain simple sincere card. Everywhere in the media (commercials, magazines, billboards, etc) women are portrayed as young, beautiful, and flawless. Whether it is selling anti-aging make-up and creams, hair-dye to get rid of those grey hairs, and and clothes that all make you look younger, prettier, and slimmer. It shocked me with that Dr. 90210 said about Hilary Clinton. I fully applaud her as well for staying true to herself. it's a shame that a Doctor would say that about Hilary Clinton. Yes, he probably just wants more business, but shouldn't he want the best for women and men?
ReplyDeleteI can't believe all these different things around us that show how women have to be this perfect image. Just by these cards for their birthday which is what the article started off with women gain a lower self-esteem about themselves. Most of the cards are meant to be funny and i'm sure most of the women have a sense of humor. However, in the back of their mind I am sure they feel a little sad or down on themselves about it. Today's society is all about what a women looks like and how they feel about what they look like. So much money is spent on products that these women don't even know work. These norms today are just bombarding women of all ages and its getting out of hand.
ReplyDeleteI have never really sat down and thought about how women aging is really seen as a bad thing in our society. When it comes to birthdays and birthday cards I do tend to make fun of my mom and aunts because they are getting older, but at the same time I do this to my dad and uncles too. However after reading this post I do see how it makes women feel bad about themselves. I think that Clinton's example to be natural and not care about what the media thinks should seta new standard for women. We are too caught up in trying to be young and having the perfect makeup hair and clothes, but we should be more concerned about our attitudes and personalities. It's so sad to see young women already getting concerned about wrinkles and aging skin. I recently went to a Mary Kay party and we learned how to put on makeup and how to prevent your face from getting wrinkles. I am only 20 and I couldn't believe that the girls I was around we're already worrying about wrinkles. Women need to just be able to embrace theirselves, and try not to care what the media thinks.
ReplyDeleteWe live in a society where pop culture perpetuates this idea of "being beautiful/handsome". The younger and thinner you are as a women makes you beautiful, while the more aged or rugged looking male is considered handsome. It seems like you are seen in a better light as an aged man than an aged women. The older male is looked at to have more prestige and have a higher socioeconomic status.the older female is looked at to be "menopausal and over the hill" in the eyes of pop culture. Beauty is defined as aesthetically pleasing to the senses. with this definition in correlation with pop culture, it creates a world in which women who are older are objectified and get labels such as old and unattractive while their male counterparts are labeled as distinguished.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the article when it talks about how magazines, and the media state the fact hoe old a women is and how good she looks when the women is over a certain age. women are portrayed to look a certain way and as they get older women must continue to llok the way they did when they were in their 20's or so. why dosent the media focus more on men as they get older? I did tend to notice about the fact with birthdays and cards that many make fun of the age, but i think that portrays to both men and women.
ReplyDelete