I’m not a perfect feminist and as Bad Feminist author, Roxane Gay, highlights, the road to embracing
a feminist label is messy. Gay also cleverly illustrates how the life of a
woman is filled with contradictions leading many of us to feel we don’t measure
up to the “perfect” feminist ideal.
One contradiction that has me stumped lately is the one
between my own label as a feminist, and my own acceptance of benevolent
sexism. Benevolent sexism (BS) consists of evaluations of gender that
are generally perceived as positive and praise those who conform to traditional
gender roles (Glick, Diebold, Bailey-Werner, & Zhu, 1997). However, BS also
promotes the notion that women are inferior (Glick & Fiske, 2001). For
example, the notion that women are in need of protection or help from men or
that women are intrinsically more sensitive and weak whereas men are strong. This
may take the form of a man insisting on carrying a woman’s bags because he
feels she needs help, when in reality she does not. Underlying this seemingly
positive and helpful action are assumptions rooted in paternalism that confine
women and men to prescribed gender roles and promote the perception of
difference.
This dissonance arose after reading the results of a study
conducted by Gul and Kupfer (2018): Women, including
feminists, find benevolent sexist men more attractive than men who are not.
At the same time, women also recognize
that benevolent sexist men are more patronizing and undermining. Did you catch
that? 2018. Not 1963. 2018.
When I read this, my mind was A) completely blown and B)
trying reconcile the shock of such results while knowing that I, too, would
likely respond in the same way—especially considering that my boyfriend states
at least once a week that “he sleeps closer to the door to protect the woman
(i.e. me).” And yet, I find his eagerness to defend me attractive.
I feel embarrassed to admit that I blindly accept many
instances of benevolent sexism. While in the moment these comments don’t readily
appear sexist, the paternalistic undertones don’t align with my values as a
feminist. However, I am
self-compassionate towards this internal struggle knowing that the research has
found that many women also accept BS.
I needed answers to explain this phenomenon. The authors
largely credit evolution for why we feel that benevolent sexist men are not only
more attractive, but warmer and more willing to protect, provide and commit to
us (Gul & Kupfer, 2018). However, we do not live in the Environment of
Evolutionary Adaptedness in which our species evolved. And, we still have a
long way to go with the secondary explanation that mate preferences are determined
by sociocultural factors such as the unequal gender-based division of labor that
leads women to seek “provider” men.
Given the recent movements against sexual violence such as
Me Too and Time’s Up, I also wanted answers for why women in 2018 are so
accepting of benevolent sexism; it seems counterproductive. On one hand, we
publically denounce sexual violence, sexism, and those who are bystanders to it.
On the other, this study says we support sexism, or at least one form of it.
One explanation for this paradox, researchers say, is the racket
hypothesis which proposes that women exhibit higher levels of
benevolent sexism as a means for protecting themselves against men’s hostile
sexism (i.e. negative antagonism towards women who challenge
traditional female roles; Glick & Fiske, 2001; Glick et al., 2000). Surely,
Me Too and Time’s Up have been accompanied by plenty of hostile sexism towards
women who have voiced their stories of victimization and those who push to
change the status quo in Hollywood, the government, or even their local
communities.
As I try to make sense of all this information, I return to
the facts of what we know to be true. 1) The more one experiences sexist events,
the more one experiences psychological distress (Szymanski, Gupta, Carr, &
Stewart, 2009). 2) Rates of benevolent sexism are higher when hostile sexism is
higher (Glick et al., 2000).
Therefore, it seems that the racket hypothesis can explain
why the sexual violence and sexism in the media is accompanied by increased
hostile and benevolent sexism. However, I question the direction of effect that
the racket hypothesis proposes. Either the racket hypothesis is true (hostile
sexism triggers benevolent sexism), or benevolent sexism creates adverse
environments in which hostile sexism thrives. Moreover, these explanations may
work in tandem in a positive feedback loop in which hostile sexism feeds back
into benevolent sexism.
When we accept benevolent sexism, we unconsciously promote
the notion that women are inferior. This perception of male superiority not
only feeds into hostile sexist attitudes that tear down women emotionally, but
also contributes to violence against women as a means of protecting male power
and privilege.
This type of systemic understanding of sexual violence, or
any women’s rights issue, is often ignored and can be difficult to prove in
research. Moreover, systemic perspectives are also difficult to disseminate to
the public. Research on perceptions of sexual violence has found that the
general public struggles to connect the dots between sexual violence and systemic
factors that promote it (e.g. the lesser status of women throughout history);
people tend to opt for more individualistic explanations of sexual predation
such as bad parenting or immorality instead (O’Neil & Morgan, 2010).
So, where does all of this information leave you and me?
What can you or I do on an individual level to counteract this cycle? I can
think of a few things:
1)
Self-Inquiry.
This blog post is just one of the first opportunities for me to question my
acceptance of BS, where it originates within myself, and the ways in which I,
too, promote BS. This can be as simple as taking just a little longer before I
speak or act to consider the long- and short-term effects of my own words and
actions.
2)
Self-Care.
Along with point 1, I can give myself self-care time to cope with the sexism
that I experience and read about. I can do this through healthy outlets such as
writing or attending women’s groups to foster connection through shared
experiences. Through this, I can build resiliency and lessen frustration.
3)
“Ouch”. This
is a tactic that was introduced to me during a round table discussion of racism
and racial representation following a showing of the movie “Get Out”.
Participants were asked to use “ouch” as method of communicating that something
somebody said was hurtful, and prompting discussion and resolution. I think
this is a friendly method I can introduce to future academic discussions of
sexism and to those in my personal life.
4)
Start
with those closest to you. I can address the BS that comes from family and
friends using “Ouch”. They are a comfortable place to start. When I hear BS
coming from them, I can start conversations that build understanding through
using curiosity (rather than personal frustration). I can start by perspective
taking and trying to understand their point of view, communicate my own, and
find our common values that connect us in order to make my social environments
more welcoming.
Written by Kylie
Steinhilber
References
Gay, R. (2014). Bad feminist. Hachette UK.
Glick, P., Diebold, J., Bailey-Werner, B., & Zhu, L.
(1997). The two faces of Adam: Ambivalent sexism and polarized attitudes toward
women. Personality and Social Psychology
Bulletin, 23, 1323–1334. doi:10.1177/01461672972312009
Glick, P., & Fiske, S. (2001). An ambivalent alliance:
Hostile and benevolent sexism as complementary justifications for gender
inequality. American Psychologist,
56, 109–118. doi:10.1037/0003-066X.56.2.109
Glick, P., Fiske, S. T., Mladinic, A., Saiz, J. L., Abrams,
D., Masser, B., . . . López, W. L. (2000). Beyond prejudice as simple
antipathy: Hostile and benevolent sexism across cultures. Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology, 79, 763-775. doi:10.1037//0022-3514.79.5.763
Gul, P., & Kupfer, T. R. (2018). Benevolent Sexism and
Mate Preferences: Why Do Women Prefer Benevolent Men Despite Recognizing That
They Can Be Undermining? Personality and
Social Psychology Bulletin, 1-16, doi:10.1177/0146167218781000
O’Neil, M., Morgan, P. (2010). American Perceptions of Sexual Violence: A FrameWorks
Research Report [PDF file]. Retrieved from
http://frameworksinstitute.org/assets/files/PDF_sexualviolence/AmericanPerceptionsofSexualViolence.pdf
Szymanski, D., Gupta, A., Carr, E., & Stewart, D.
(2009). Internalized Misogyny as a Moderator of the Link between Sexist Events
and Women’s Psychological Distress. Sex Roles, 61(1-2), 101-109.
doi:10.1007/s11199-009-9611-y
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