Pic credit:
http://chezpinkelephant.com/whats-in-a-name/
Many things can
be and are associated with names. A name can represent family, a place of
belonging, identity, ethnicity, nationality, responsibility, and pride. Names
may have similar meanings for both men and women, however, it seems that women
have an extra hurdle. Though men also have the choice of changing their names,
it is far more common for a woman to change her name upon marriage than it is for
a man to change his . . . ever.
I began
thinking about this topic again because of the recent election and everything
that was brought up due to various diversity aspects involved. I saw several
reports about Hillary Clinton’s name and how it has changed throughout the
years. Of course there are emotional and personal aspects of one’s name to
consider, let alone the professional and political aspects, especially for
someone in Hillary Clinton’s position. Reflecting on Hillary Clinton’s
political career and her name changes, it is easy to see that she may have been
changing her name for political advantages. However, my concern and disgust
with this is not that she may be using her name to appease voters, but that
this has been a successful strategy, and in her case, has been beneficial to
the campaign. Throughout her political career, she has gone by both Hillary
Rodham Clinton and Hillary Clinton on several different occasions, depending on
the circumstance. This alone indicates to me how important names are to
individuals in our culture. When one does not take her partner’s name, that
individual can be seen as opinionated, individualistic, unsupportive,
untraditional, uncaring, and heartless. However, when one does take her
partner’s name, she can be seen as submissive, family oriented, and
unambitious. It seems that women again, are caught in a web of options that
only offer losing solutions no matter what they chose.
This conundrum
follows most, if not all women, even those not directly involved in politics. I
have a friend who is pursuing her doctorate in clinical psychology who has
given quite a bit of thought to what she will do when and if she gets married.
She has come to a decision that regardless of her marital status, she will keep
her maiden name professionally, and perhaps change her last name personally. As
we discussed this topic, it also became clear that this method she has chosen
creates built-in professional boundaries that could be viewed as an added
benefit in her line of work.
Similarly, I
have known women who have married after their professional careers have
developed that have had a difficult time deciding what to do about this whole
name thing. The women I am aware of in this situation decided to hyphenate
their maiden name and their partner’s last name, in hopes that they would be
able to maintain and embody both parts of themselves.
When I began
thinking more about this topic, the psychological ramifications that may
present themselves to women making their own choices about their names struck
me. Dependency seems to be fostered in a culture and mentality that says to
young girls, “this is your temporary name,” or “your true name and identity
will be found in a marital partner.” These messages may not be explicitly told
to girls, but I remember hearing them as I grew. I loved my last name, and
cherished it, but I also looked forward to the opportunity to change it, and
dreamed of what it would be. When I was married, I did not even think twice
about changing my name, and was honored that I was able to take my partner’s
name. However, I am certain I did not think through all of the other
ramifications changing my name might have for me. Though I do not think I would
change my decision, and I believe there are many lovely things that came out of
my own changing of my name, I do believe that I also got caught up in the
dependency mind-game the western United States’ culture can play with women,
telling them that their identity is found anywhere else than in themselves.
All of this is
to say, names mean important things, and perhaps different things to different
people and different cultures. However, in the culture of the United States,
there seems to be direct guidelines for women on the meaning of names, and even
where their identity can be found. It also seems important that the options
women have in regard to their name can easily and frequently be cast in a
negative light, which may be close to impossible to escape. This is also an
experience that is seemingly unique to a woman’s experience. There are many
different ways in which women of this society have navigated this experience,
and these women may have been motivated by different means. What seems
important is that one is aware of the ramifications of this decision that may come,
regardless of one’s choice, and what feels most congruent within one’s self.
***Side note:
while writing this, I had the thought of why is a maiden name even called a “maiden
name?” To me, something about the word “maiden” connotes youth. So, perhaps we
should have “old maid” names as well?***
No comments:
Post a Comment