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“He
who loses individuality, loses all” – Ghandi.
Being able to distinguish yourself from someone
else is a quality that most pride themselves in, however, what if I told you
that your individualism had already been determined before you could speak?
Taken from you and reconstructed as pre-determined by society? You may
understand where I am going with this and can blame what is known as ‘social
norms’ or the rules of behavior that are considered acceptable for your lack of
originality.
The moment a baby’s gender is found out, the
stereotypes begin. While this holds true for both genders, they focus on baby
girls is an ever growing one. The nursery is painted in light shades of purples
and pinks while being filled with tender décor of butterflies, flowers, and
princesses. There are teddy bears and dolls awaiting her company and even a
frilly tutu in the closet for her first family event. The wall art includes ballerinas
and hearts, depicting the hopes and dreams that every parent has for their
little girl to dance to beat of her music. However, most parents wouldn’t realize that they are setting
up a scenario where their little girl’s music will play to the same tune as
many others, as her room and their expectations of her femininity is teaching
her how to become the stereotypical woman.
By continuing these patterns where we fill
little girl’s bookshelves with fairy tales of princes and lavish parties, we
neglect to fill their minds with independence and self-worth. Parents allow
their child to waterfall into society’s standards of how girls should wear
dresses, cross their T’s and dot their I’s, and be the one’s to raise
children. Think of the age where
little girls begin to play house. They quickly become aware that “mommy stays
at home with the baby and cooks” while “daddy goes to work.” They dream of
being teachers, nurses, and stay at home mothers. The thought of prince
charming fills every girls head as they begin to plan their future wedding,
first with Barbie’s and then eventually moving on to bigger things such as Pinterest.
What society has done is to allow for the
gender identity known as ‘feminine’ to become an unrealistic goal for young
girls. They strive to achieve something that does not accurately capture the
way most females feel, behave, or define them. Girls grow up believing that they need to get married, have
children, know how to cook a five-course dinner, and have all the chores done
with everyone in bed by 9 P.M. The pressure to perform builds with every
passing month of a new Cosmopolitan and InStyle being published.
Hyper-femininity often occurs under the pressures
of society, as individuals feel pressured to exaggerate the behaviors that are
believed to be feminine. Women with this mentality fall under the false
pretense that they exist to boost men’s egos with passivity, innocence, and
flirtatious behavior that often lead to problematic events such as unhealthy
relationships and unwanted sexual advances. Of course, there can always be
extremes to any scenario, however even the miniscule incidents are parts of the
obstacle course we continuously climb in order to better fit our pre-determined
character.
This ‘thing’ we know as gender refers to society’s
expectations about how we should think and act as girls, boys, men, and women.
Our identity is how we express our gender roles, including appearance and
behavior. It is known that these roles are being shaped as early as the ages of
two or three. This process is shaped by the child’s parents, culture, religion,
and is not limited to the outside world, which includes television, magazines,
and other forms of social media. As these behaviors develop and children grow,
they tend to continue to adopt behaviors and patterns that are rewarded by
love, praise, and acceptance. They will stop or hide the behaviors that appear
to be punished or shamed. This leads to the question, “Who are we really asking
our children to be?”
Developmentally, all children will begin playing house
between the ages of 3 and 5, as Erikson’s stage of Initiative verses Guilt
explains their exploration and need to begin asserting control over their
environment. Children are particularly sensitive to acceptance giving them a
sense of purpose while disapproval will result in a sense of guilt. Consider
this when thinking about how we tend to encourage girls to continue playing
house while boys are discouraged and shamed. Instead, if we were to encourage
both genders to interact in this way, it could later prevent women from feeling
pigeon held into their role as a housewife and allow for men to accept their
own domestication characteristics without it taking away from their
masculinity. This action could affect the perpetuation of the stereotype.
With this, I challenge you to confront gender
stereotypes that contribute to individuals feeling like less of who they are.
Be the person who points out how television shows and movies have unrealistic
goals and expectations for children. Teach little girls that it is acceptable
to like playing in dirt and that she can grow up to be a police officer or join
the ARMY. Don’t just talk the talk, walk it as well. Be a role model for what
you believe in by supporting and educating yourself, so that as a society we
can work towards the prevention of continual stereotype promotion.
