The Inescapable “Truth”

            The other day I was out shopping for a birthday card for a friend of mine, and was saddened to find that there were only five classes of cards available for women over the age of 18: (1) sweet and sentimental, (2) cards with half naked men on them, (3) cards with fart jokes, (4) cards with cute animals on them, and by far the biggest category was (5) cards telling the birthday women that she is becoming uglier as she ages.  I am particularly sensitive to number five as it has become increasingly obvious as I near my 30^th birthday that I have only sagging breasts, wrinkles, and invisibility to look forward to in my coming years.  And lest I forget, the greeting card companies will be there to remind me each year.

            Equating the aging process with decreased beauty has become so programmed into U.S. society, particularly in the media: if you read a fashion columnist write about a beautiful celebrity over the age of forty the woman’s very existence in a fashion blog has to be qualified.  For instance, a recent picture of Demi Moore complimenting her appearance in Yahoo’s 2 Hot 2 Handle photo gallery contained the following quote, “Can you believe Demi Moore is 50?! Neither can we.”  Or another recent picture of Marg Helgenberger that said, “Former ‘CSI’ and ‘China Beach’ star Marg Helgenberger is flawless for 54.”  Women in their forties are subjected to the same scrutiny.  A recent photo of Jennifer Aniston in a bikini carried the caption, “the woman is in her mid-40s and looks just as fabulous as she did a decade ago.”  You won’t read the ages of younger actresses that make it into this photo gallery series as the creators only think it is relevant to mention age when the beautiful woman is of a certain age.  Additionally, the probability you will find women over the age of 50 in the 2 Hot 2 Handle gallery is low as it is typically inundated with the smiling faces of younger stars in their 20s and 30s.  Apparently we are to be amazed when a woman is deemed beautiful after the age of 50.  Can you believe she’s 50 and is still beautiful?!  Or my personal favorite, “She puts women half her age to shame.”  Again, we are to marvel at the fact that a woman can possibly be more beautiful than a woman younger than herself as youth is always the most beautiful and the most valued. 
  
    Messages to Women Don’t Apply to Men

          I have noticed this trend is creating a generation of women who are being told that the worst thing they can do is look old.  Take the blogs written about Lindsey Lohan, for example.  Countless bloggers have written about her alleged drug and alcohol abuse; however, it seems to me that by far her worst crime was to dare to look older than her 26 years.  I recently came across a Pintrest post. 

Nevermind the fact that three older men are being shown to grow more handsome with age, as only men can do, but the only woman pictured, Ms. Lohan, is supposed to be perceived as becoming older, and thus more ugly, as the result of alleged lifestyle choices.  If she was in her 50s we would not be seeing this post because her ‘ugliness’ would then be expected.  As a young woman, Ms. Lohan, and young women across the country, have to learn that constant surveillance and prevention is needed to prevent such aged ‘horror’ from happening.

Hiding Signs of Aging

            I can vividly remember my 8^th grade health teacher telling all of the girls in my class about the importance of moisturizers and sun block to prevent wrinkles.  She stressed that we needed to begin incorporating this into our daily routine so we would not look old as we aged.  With her beautifully smooth porcelain skin, I held onto her every word and began moisturizing shortly afterwards.  I have done so every day since in my personal war against the ugliness of age.  It was not until very recently that I have begun to question my participation in this process.  It began as a result of small comments from others around me.  My 17 year old niece telling me that we could be mistaken for sisters if I was wearing large sunglasses (presumably to hide the smile lines under my eyes).  My hairdresser discouraging me from a short hair cut because I would look like a soccer mom, when I am apparently too young to look that “old.”  As I agreed with my hairdresser and went with a longer haircut, I immediately felt the burden of letting not only myself down but my gender as well.  I had allowed the fear of looking older dictate my decision, and fear that if I am letting this fear rule my life at the age of 29, what will I do when I am older? 

              As a graduate student studying ageism in older women, I began to realize that discrimination towards women based on their age begins in our 20s.  This form of ageism is unique to women, as women are uniquely judged and criticized for their appearance, as it relates to their age.  We must deserve such punishment since we lack men’s ability to grow more handsome and distinguished as we age. 

Challenging and Embracing the Aging Process

            Unfortunately, beauty and youth are intricately connected to both each other and to value in our society.  The more beautiful you are as a woman, the more visible and valuable you are.  The younger you are as a woman, the more beautiful and valuable you can be.  The risks associated with daring to look old as a woman can be immeasurable.  Just look at the discussions regarding Hillary Clinton’s “aging” appearance.  There was a huge media to-do over her decision to speak in Asia last May wearing little makeup, glasses, and without perfectly coiffed hair.  In fact, Dr. 90210 made the following statement, “It’s bad enough that our Secretary of State continues to avoid the necessary cosmetic procedures that are easily available to all citizens, young and old, rich and poor, of this great nation.  She goes about in public with her natural breasts, her wrinkles, and her facial sagging.  But this, this is unconscionable.  She could be setting an example for young women everywhere.  Instead, she stoops to embracing her, and I get hives even saying this, natural state.  After a woman reaches a certain age, plastic surgery should be mandatory, and no older woman should be seen in public without hair and make-up done. This is exactly why we are slipping in world esteem.”

            Well I, for one, certainly applaud Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s decision to embrace her “natural state” and hope that I have the unconscionable attitude to follow in her footsteps as I age and dare to go in public with my natural breasts, wrinkles, and facial sagging.  

written by Ruth Walker

Regaining My Hopefulness

I decided to pursue graduate school in part to become involved in research and advocacy efforts related to preventing men’s violence against women.  So much progress has been achieved in this area over the past few decades, I thought, “How hard can it be?”  Little did I know untangling the mess of male socialization and the ways it contributes to our rape culture would be so difficult. 

I was reminded of the ways male socialization contributes to our rape culture when news of the gang of boys from the football team who raped a young woman while she was passed out in Steubenville, Ohio was released.  Despite referring to the girl as “dead,” some boys proceeded to rape her while others watched, not questioning the action at all.  Although similar situations are unfortunately common, this particular story made it to the news only because some of the boys who watched also taped the situation, recording the rape and the conversation among the boys in the room.

The recording also indicates that other boys, however, questioned the behavior.  Some challenged their peers by saying, “That’s not so funny” and one even asked, “What if that was your daughter?”  Clearly, some boys in this high school are willing to challenge the rape culture. 

Hearing about the boys who challenged their peers inspires me to want to understand more about the men who are willing to speak out against their socialization and challenge their friends who engage in rape-supportive behaviors.  In fact, I am currently working on a research project to understand what motivates these men to become social justice allies who work to prevent men’s violence against women.  I become more convinced every day that increasingly more men are becoming aware of the male socialization that contributes to the current rape culture and are unwilling to participate in it, some even actively working against it.  These men are slowly creating a critical mass who speak out against men’s violence against women and encourage their friend’s to do the same.  Hearing their stories can provide us with a deeper understanding of their experience to engage even more men in the process.  Maybe my initial hopefulness about preventing men’s violence against women was not so wrong…

written by Allie Minieri