Gender role stereotypes which are still alive and well in
our culture, as well as portrayals of women being dominated and/or victimized
in media images, contribute to a culture in which abuse of women is normalized.
Often times we see a woman being talked down to by her partner, intimidated,
controlled financially and otherwise rendered voiceless, and do not
intervene. Clinically it is
indicated that one should not push a women to leave and abusive relationship
before she is ready and before she has an escape plan in place to preserve her
safety. This can be a difficult journey when the psychological abuse has been
so prevalent that a woman has become isolated from any resource (including other
relationships) that might help her escape. Because of the shame and guilt
associated with being a victim of abuse women are reticent to come forward and
share their stories. Katie Holmes has provided at least one very public example
of a woman who in her own time was able to make an escape plan and free herself
from the control of a very powerful man. Although it is unclear the extent to
which abuse was present in their relationship we can speculate due to Katie’s
exit from her marriage that these dynamics were in play. Reportedly Katie secretly
filed for divorce while Tom was out of the country, she had changed her cell
phone number, moved to an apartment in NYC, surrounded herself with family and
as per reports today has registered at a Catholic Church- Katie had become what
some people called the “First Lady of Scientology” during her marriage to Tom.
My hope is that this pop culture story becomes more than just media fodder but
takes on a greater purpose: an example of a woman who decided to leave and
claim her life back. I want to express that I understand that Katie has
resources most women in abusive relationships do not- and that her story is not
typical, but it can be a spark that lights the flame in advocates and victims
to open a dialogue about escape, taking back power, and starting over.
~Emma Wood, Psy.D.